Friend," he said, "like you've come
a long way!
You're a stranger up here, are you not?
I'd judge by the looks of the clothing you wear,
That you live in a land where it's hot"
The stranger accepted a tall, steaming
Gulped it down with a satisfied choke;
Then seating himself by the warm, crackling fire,
He gratefully sighed - and spoke:
"I come from a land that is far to
Where grows neither hemlock nor pine;
Please hand me that map and I'll show you the
It's latitude north, barely nine!
"The Pana-Canal, my dear Santa, is
A land that is lovely and tropic;
The reason I'm here? I came 'cause I must!"
And he let fall a tear - microscopic!
"I've heard of the place," was
old Santa's reply,
While stirring a soda and whiskey;
"My boys have been there but I've never quite dared -
For me, it's a little too risky!
"Your roads, so I hear, wouldn't do for my
My deer would find nothing to eat;
But more than all else, I'm afraid, with my
I'd suffer too much from the heat!
"But tell me, my friend, don't you ever have
Doesn't front ever cover the heather?"
"No, Santa, old man," and his visitor laughed,
"We have nothing but warm, sunny weather!
hundred and sixty-five days every year,
(And honest, the truth I'm not straining),
We've sunshine that lasts from the dawn to night -
Excepting, of course, when it's raining!
"On Christmas we take a warm dip in
Then lie beneath cocoanut trees;
A marvelous climate, for all the year through,
We men wear - ahem - bee-vee-dees!
"The women you say? W-e-l-l, Santa,
That women's clothes always are funny;
Down there, what they wear wouldn't smother a flea,
Which is plain to be seen - when it's sunny!"
Old Santa Claus looked at his wife's ample skirts
(The kind polar fashion plates stress),
Then wistfully sighing, he said, "There's a lot
To be said for scant feminine dress!"
His visitor, warmed by the drink in his
Told of wonders the North doesn't know;
Tales of monkeys and tigers and parrots and palms,
In a land that has never seen snow.
He told how bananas grow wild by the
How crocodiles swim in the river;
Though, hearing of "crocks" and the sharks in
Gave Santa a case of the shivers.
He laughed out with glee when told that
Go golfing in little-boy panties;
But sat up alert when the stranger went on,
"The ladies play golf in their scanties!"